Dealing with Unwanted Attention

A Goth Girl’s Guide to Handling Random Encounters

By Raven Ashford

Let’s talk about something that every woman—especially those of us in the goth and alternative scenes—has experienced at some point: being approached by random men. Whether it’s at a coffee shop, a concert, or just walking down the street, there’s always that one guy who thinks he’s got the perfect line to win you over. Spoiler alert: he usually doesn’t.

First off, let’s set the scene. Picture me, dressed head-to-toe in my favorite black lace ensemble, with a book in one hand and a coffee in the other. I’m clearly in my element, lost in my own world. Enter Random Guy. He sidles up with a half-baked compliment, usually something along the lines of, “You’re too pretty to be into all that dark stuff,” or “I bet you’re a witch, huh?” Yes, because nothing says ‘date me’ like stereotyping my entire aesthetic and interests.

Now, don’t get me wrong—being approached isn’t inherently a bad thing. We all love a good conversation, and who doesn’t enjoy a compliment? But it’s the way these interactions often go that can be frustrating. The assumptions, the unsolicited comments, the boundary-pushing. So, how do I deal with it? Let me share a few tips that I’ve picked up along the way.

1. The Art of the Cold Stare
Sometimes, a look can say more than words ever could. When approached by someone who clearly doesn’t respect your space, a cold, unyielding stare can work wonders. It’s the universal sign for “I’m not interested,” and it’s amazing how effective it can be.

2. The Polite Yet Firm Rebuff
If you’re feeling generous enough to respond, a polite but firm “I’m not interested” usually does the trick. It’s direct, respectful, and leaves little room for misinterpretation. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your time or attention.

3. The Power of “No”
It’s a simple word, but it’s one of the most powerful in your vocabulary. Don’t be afraid to use it. “No, I don’t want to give you my number.” “No, I’m not looking for company.” It’s your right to set boundaries, and you should never feel guilty for doing so.

4. Humor as a Shield
Sometimes, deflecting with humor can ease the tension. A well-timed, sarcastic remark can make it clear that you’re not taking their approach seriously. Something like, “Wow, did you get that line from a 90s rom-com?” can get the point across without being overly harsh.

5. The Exit Strategy
If all else fails, have an exit strategy. Whether it’s pretending to get an urgent call or simply walking away, sometimes the best option is to remove yourself from the situation. Your safety and comfort come first, always.

6. The Importance of Allies
Having friends around can be a great deterrent. They can provide support and help navigate unwanted attention. Plus, it’s always fun to have a friend who can swoop in with, “Hey, we need to go—your pet bat escaped again,” just to add a touch of goth flair.

It’s unfortunate that these encounters happen, but they’re a reality we have to deal with. The key is to handle them in a way that feels right for you, whether that’s being direct, using humor, or simply walking away. Remember, your time and energy are valuable, and you’re not obligated to entertain anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.

To all my fellow goths and alt-folk out there, keep being your fabulous selves. Don’t let anyone dim your dark glow. And to the random men who think we’re just waiting for your attention—thanks, but no thanks. We’ve got books to read, music to listen to, and a life to live, and trust me, it’s far more interesting without the unsolicited commentary.